I
can't take it!
As
each look at me,
And
every comment
Leaves
thin cuts
That
burn more as time lapses.
As
everything I do,
And
every effort I make
To
become what I dream to be
Is
regarded as nothing but failure.
As
the candles of hope
Light
up my soul,
Then
blown out
With
every whisper of jealousy.
As
all my rage,
And
all my sadness
Are seen as mere
"Breakdowns
and Ravings."
As
all I truly want,
And
all I seek
Is
nothing but
Silly
childhood needs.
As
all I am,
And
all I became
Is
nothing
But
a lost memory.
© A Furious Child
you still need to work on your choice of vocabulary, you need poetic words. for example, the word "regarded" can be substituded by "esteemed" or you can say in your line " to become what i dream to be is regarded as nothing but failure"= " to pursue what i dream to be is gazed upon as failure,, nothing more"
ReplyDeletethe theme of the poems are nice, however, the choice of words does not give it enough sparkle
+Sophie Saad Thank you for your comment :)
ReplyDelete